callsbullshit:

laheysrp:

friends with benefits sentence starters:

• “what are we, nerds trying to look at boobies?”
• “i’m your boss, give me your pants.”
• “i love that outfit, you look so sexy in that.”
• “i’m fully aware of your allergies.”
• “here’s an idea, next time, instead of being late, just shit on my face.”
• “you said i was your soulmate.”
  
• “work doesn’t reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn’t make you gay.”
  
• “but you’re actually really emotionally damaged.”
  
• “you have really big eyes and it freaks me out sometimes.”
  
• “why do relationships start off so fun, and then turn into suck a bag of dicks?”
  
• “i’m just gonna’ shut myself down emotionally.”
  
• “i’m gonna’ change your life. i’m that girl.”
  
• “i could post a video of me mixing cake batter with my boobs and it would get eight million hits.”
  
• “what are you, a gazelle?”
  
• “don’t be the guy who shit the bed.”
  
• “puppy dog eyes. nice touch.”
  
• “wanna’ get this guy out of my face before i break his fucking skull?”
  
• “you don’t fucking know me man.”
  
• “i took his virginity.”
  
• “does the carpet match the drapes?”
  
• “run gazelle! run!”
  
• “i have this thing at work. it’s called google.”
  
• “if you tell anyone about this i will rip your ears off and staple them to your neck.”
  
• “everyone in this city seems really violent.”
• “do you want to get your shit out of my car or what?”
  
• “go and fuck a dick.”
  
• “i’d love to take you out one night and trawl for cock.”
  
• “we can tear this shit up.”
  
• “hey, no skin. more pipe for me.”
  
• “you sure you’re not gay?”
  
• “i’m not fucking asking you out i swear to god.”
  
• “god, you’re such a girl.”
  
• “girl, you are preaching to the congregation.”
  
• “this shit is amazing.”
  
• “i love that sunsets make you cry.”
  
• “i wish my life was a movie sometimes.”
  
• “god, i miss sex.”
  
• “hold me, let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
• “i don’t even know if i find you attractive.”
• “i do have a thing for jerks.”
  
• “i liked your eyes. i didn’t think i’d ever seen such big beautiful eyes.”
  
• “and your lips, yeah, i thought you might be a good kisser.”
  
• “you swear you don’t want anything from me other than sex?”
  
• “you have a bible app?”
  
• “no relationship. no emotions. just sex.”
  
• “come on, okay, you’re beautiful. you have nothing to be insecure about.”
  
• “that is way too emotionally supportive and you need to just lock that down.”
  
• “your ass is a little bony.”
  
• “i sneeze sometimes after i come.”
  
• “feet gross me out. daddy issues.”
  
• “what are you trying to do, dig your way to china?”
  
• “nobody wants to fuck obama.”
  
• “what are you my fucking therapist now?”
  
• “every time you curse, you blink. like your body’s rejecting the word.”
• “as a sign of rebellion, you got a tattoo.”
  
• “harry potter doesn’t make you gay!”
• “my butt is cramping can you grab a pillow?”
  
• “do you feel manly now?”
  
• “are you pooping?”
  
• “all you have at home is drinkable yoghurt.”
  
• “it was like talking to dirt.”
  
• “i’m starving, you got any gin?”
  
• “i’ve turned down more tail than you’ll ever have.”
  
• “me likes cock, so i’m strickily dickily.”
  
• “i’ve been in love, i went down that rabbit hole.”
  
• “one day, you will meet someone and it will literally take your breath away. like no oxygen in yours lungs. like a fish.”
• “i told him you were my gay best friend.”
  
• “he smells like a girl.”
  
• “the sneak out. how incredibly cliché of you.”
  
• “no, go fuck yourself.”
  
• “trust me, you don’t suck in bed.”
  
• “forget the douche, he’s a dick. he’s a dickdouche.”
  
• “get your feet off my bed, they’re disgusting.”
  
• “we’re one of these crazy families that don’t lie to eachother, pbs is doing a documentary on us.”
  
• “nobody cares, you sound like an asshole.”
  
• “i just need you to be my friend right now.”
  
• “okay, so i’ll listen to you while you give me a handjob.”
  
• “i’m a magician, not a wizard. you and your gay harry potter.”
  
• “you can’t deny going to hogwarts would be life changing.”
• “all that matters is how you look at him.”
  
• “i haven’t seen you this dumb since you got that candy corn tattoo.”
  
• “you wanna’ be happy? find someone you like and never let them go.”
  
• “are you pissed off at me because i didn’t cuddle?”
  
• “i actually thought you were different.”
  
• “with friends like you who needs friends?”
  
• “i have the perfect body for photoshop.”
  
• “my prince charming? you.”
  
• “if you even think there’s a chance she might be it, fix it.”
  
• “if i ever see you again, i’ll crush your earlobes and make soup stock out of them.”
  
• “it’s some prince charming shit though, right?”
  
• “i want my best friend back, because i’m in love with her.”
  
• “on one condition. kiss me.”