time for : stupid meta about how kate’s phasing works , since i’ve never really defined it !
phasing ( v ) : the ability to play with , interrupt , or otherwise skew another person’s perceptions , specifically in relation to oneself . i.e. to change one’s appearance in the eyes of another .
to utilise this ability is to change someone’s view of the world . it is a specific form of telepathy- using one’s own mind to play with another’s , to change the way that someone’s brain perceives the world around them .
kate’s specific way of using this can range from literally erasing herself from someone’s perception ( thus making herself invisible ) , all the way down to simply blurring some part of her- depending on her reasons for phasing , different variations will occur : to obscure herself , she can blur , distort , or even erase her face and / or body ; to draw attention , she can literally exude light && colour , change the brightness of her features , appear to be a source of light ( think lightbulbs , fires , the stereotypical depiction of angels ) . as it’s a very personal && one - to - one experience , only those she directly focuses her power upon see her change- onlookers do not , && thus her manipulation appears very similar to a HALLUCINATION , or shared hallucination in the case of multiple ‘ victims ’ . when visible , these people can see her as anything from a slightly blurred person ( as if looking through someone else’s glasses ; think harding meyer or chuck close’s work ) to a distortion of human shape ( certain features repeated , inflated , or misplaced , eyes on foreheads / cheeks / necks && such ; think francis picabia , kees van dongen , once again harding meyer ) to an entirely formless being , a mess of swirls && shapes , or just plain colours as opposed to anything even vaguely resembling a human shape ( think pablo picasso , frank auerbach , && shin kwangho’s more obscure portaits ; andré masson’s work ) .
the more severe the change , the more emotionally && physically draining it is . and it is- prolonged && extensive use of any of her powers can leave her bed - ridden for days ( this is rare , && usually only occurs if she has used her powers in a specific , strong burst for entire days ) . shorter strong bursts or long weak bursts can both lead to less brutal side - effects , much like the depictions of telepaths / telekinetics due to the fact that it’s a MENTAL ABILITY- bloody noses && ears , physically weakened body , fainting spells , short periods of confusion && delirium , && occasionally temporary , short term memory loss .
the basics of human connective emotion is rooted in childhood. loving parents breed emotionally sound children, unless external or genetic sources play a damaging role; whereas abusive parents, specifically emotionally abusive parents, breed emotionally damaged children.
the extent to which both of kate’s parents emotionally abused her, in addition to the extent of the sexual & physical abuse of her father, meant that the emotionally formative years of her life were essentially devoid of positive emotion. as a preemptive protective measure, her parents also severely limited any connections kate had with the outside world, & made sure she lied to anyone who asked too many questions. this included extensive blackmail, extensive lying, all to the point of convincing kate that keeping quiet would be her only safe option.
she was told that if she told anyone, she would be taken away from her parents- on the face of it, not a bad thing, but the information given to her included that she would be put into care, & that all care homes were far worse places than her current situation. after all, her father had a good job; they were rich & had a lovely home, & even had staff to do the things her parents didn’t want to (cook, clean, etc.). kate’s parents essentially drilled into her, from a very young age, that that was the best she was ever going to get, & that telling the truth would take her from that safety (even if that safety was irrefutably filled with suffering- it was a known pain, not an unexpected one).
this keeping her sheltered from the outside world & its dealings also very much contributed to the long held belief that the same kind of abuse happened in every home, that it was normal. having never made friends with other children or spoken truthfully to adults (with the belief that what happened within the home stayed within the home), & never being allowed to watch television, it was a long while before her brain kicked in & told her it was wrong. she suspected from the age of seven (noticing the other kids didn’t have bruises all over their bodies- maybe their daddies were better at covering them?), but only truly knew from about ten (about a year to a year and a half after her father first raped her).
as a direct result, processing affection & positive emotion is extremely complex & difficult. this rears its head in all sorts of friendships (platonic love)- especially with men- & very much so in relationships (romantic love). she craves affection & kindness, after never having it as a child, & gets attached very easily, but at the same time, she desperately pushes people away as a defence mechanism. the specific feeling of love, & all associated with it, is very difficult to process- she is wretchedly unfamiliar with those emotions, & actually physically does not understand them. it takes a long time for her to say i love you, purely because she cannot tell whether or not she does love someone, & she wants to protect people from the brokenness that lives within her.
she perceives herself as broken & unlovable, & that her own incapacity to process emotion will break any attachment in which she ever finds herself involved. & therefore, yes- she does push people away; she does fuck up on purpose to make people want to hate her; she does keep secrets obsessively. all to drive people to leave her. but anyone that’ll stick through everything? those are the people to whom she will become painfully attached, & those are the people whose leaving will wreck her most.
also for the record :
the scientist’s methods were very unprofessional / unscientific !!!
he did not follow scientific procedure at all he wasn’t like a hydra scientist or anything like that. he had no funding and no actual credit in the scientific community ; in fact , he was considered insane in the scientific community & was shunned by all who knew anything , & therefore he became obsessed & determined to prove them wrong , driving him to open a secret lab in a rented warehouse which was unsanitary & poorly built. & then he kidnapped homeless kids off the street ( i.e. kate & dylan ) because teenagers are more resilient to physical wounds , & then he’d literally keep them paralysed with ketamine while he experimented on them. & when i say experimented ? that was , again , extremely unprofessional & unscientific. he literally slashed and beat them randomly , & as he was extremely emotionally unstable , the more frustrated he got , the more random & dangerous it became ( hence , him killing one of his subjects (dylan) without a second thought ). in some ways , he was a genius- his theories and his serum did get results , technically. it did produce superhuman powers , and it did prove his thesis. but not in a way that any scientific community would accept. his reports were not written in any logical order , but instead in a small leatherbound notebook that detailed all of their progress. kate stole this notebook when she killed the scientist. it’s covered an amalgamation of his, dylan’s, and kate’s blood , & is always hidden in the bottom of her suitcase.
What did freedom feel like?
six weeks , that’s all they had . six weeks of PARADISE , of FREEDOM . the first day was terrifying , but beautiful
- crying && drinking && smoking together , each covered in their own layer of BLACK && BLUE , hidden beneath the cloak of the bushes in the park . dylan && kate barely said a word that day , mute with their respective depressions- but beneath it all , they were FREE .
they walked along the river the next day . they had very little else to do in those weeks ( the river ; the forest ; the parks- the town deemed far too dangerous , lest they were to run into their twats of parents ) . a polaroid camera , kate’s father’s credit cards , sleeping bags . kate bought nail scissors to cut dylan’s hair short , bought the few foods she thought he’d eat . they were both FREEZING- DECEMBER , the coldest england’s had for over a hundred years- but they both bitterly slept night after night in hoodies && cheap sleeping bags , offering each other more && both refusing out of kindness . everything was lovely && beautiful …
leaving home was the dream she’d never thought herself strong enough to achieve , held back by her father’s strong grip around her wrists , by her mother’s guilt . like shackles , strapping her against the walls of that house , against the floorboards && the bedposts . running away with dylan gave her HOPE , hope that the pain && the numbness would all disappear . && it DID , for just a while- for those six weeks .
neither of them had any plans for the future . somehow , both expected the world to just keep spinning around them , inevitably , bracingly . they talked about it though- how they’d be HAPPY , how they’d be UNHURT . for all kate && dylan cared , as long as they were free && together , ANYTHING could have happened .
it ended far too quickly .
kate remembers it fondly , muted head hanging low . she supposes the world she lives in is TECHNICALLY FREEDOM , but she still feels great bricks tied to her ankles , dragging her through the floor . this doesn’t feel free , this doesn’t feel-
‘ U N R E A L . ’ / x
