CHARACTER TRUTHS
1. smoking: the action or habit of inhaling and exhaling the smoke of tobacco or a drug.
2. binge drinking: the consumption of an excessive amount of alcohol in a short period of time.
3. drug abuse: the habitual taking of illegal drugs.
4. nail biting: a common body language sign of anxiety/tension.
5. lip biting: a common body language sign of anxiety/tension.
6. night owl: a person who is habitually active or wakeful at night.
7. early bird: a person who rises, arrives, or acts before the usual or expected time.
8. negative attitudes: a philosophy of approaching life with criticism and pessimism.
9. positive attitudes: a philosophy of approaching life with optimism and confidence.
10. swearing: the use of offensive language.
11. superstitious: an irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.
12. inspecting fingernails: a common body language sign of boredom.
13. scratching your neck: a common body language sign of uncertainty.
14. foot and finger tapping: a common body language sign of stress/impatience.
15. nose touch: a subtle body language sign of deceit.
16. flipping hair: a common body language sign of craving attention.
17. twirling hair: a common body language sign of flirtation.
18. cracking knuckles: a common body language sign of readiness.
19. hands behind back: a common body language sign of confidence.
20. finger pointing: a common body language sign of authority.
21. hands on hips: a common body language sign of readiness.
22. hands in pockets: a common body language sign of mistrust/reluctance.
23. frequent touch: a common body language sign of warmth/familiarity.
24. throat-clearing: a common body language sign of rejection/doubt.
25. jaw-clenching: a common body language sign of hostility.
26. eye-rolling: a common body language sign of irritation.
27. head-tilt: a common body language sign of interest.
28. whistling: to emit high-pitched sound by forcing breakthrough a small hole between one’s lips or teeth; usually to a tune.
29. humming: make a low, steady continuous sound like that of a bee; usually to a tune.
30. perfectionism: refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.
31. photographic memory: the ability to remember information or visual images in great detail.
32. paranoia: a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically worked into an organized system.
33. exaggeration: a statement that represents something as better or worse than it really is.
34. intuitive: using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.
35. quick-witted: showing or characterized by an ability to think or respond quickly and effectively.
36. interrupting: breaking the continuity of a conversation with one’s own statements.
37. doodling: to scribble or make rough drawings, absentmindedly.
38. irritable: having or showing a tendency to be easily annoyed.
39. gambling: to play games of chance for money; bet.
40. travel-sick: suffering from nausea caused by the motion of a moving vehicle, boat, or aircraft.
41. sensitive: having or displaying a quick and delicate appreciation of others’ feelings.
42. melancholy: a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.
43. chewing gum: the exercise of chewing flavored gum which is not intended for swallowing.
44. fidgeting: to make small movements, especially of the hands and feet, through nervousness or impatience.
45. skeptical: not easily convinced; having doubts or reservations.
46. neat-freak: compulsively obsessed with cleanliness.
47. gossiping: divulging personal information about others.
48. prim: feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper; stiffly correct.
49. abbreviating: giving others nicknames/shortening names/giving pet names.
50. having a catchphrase: having a sentence or phrase typically associated with a specific person.TAGGED BY : @deathraised
TAGGING : @variedintuitions @sub011 @keptstars @waveringhumanity
the basics of human connective emotion is rooted in childhood. loving parents breed emotionally sound children, unless external or genetic sources play a damaging role; whereas abusive parents, specifically emotionally abusive parents, breed emotionally damaged children.
the extent to which both of kate’s parents emotionally abused her, in addition to the extent of the sexual & physical abuse of her father, meant that the emotionally formative years of her life were essentially devoid of positive emotion. as a preemptive protective measure, her parents also severely limited any connections kate had with the outside world, & made sure she lied to anyone who asked too many questions. this included extensive blackmail, extensive lying, all to the point of convincing kate that keeping quiet would be her only safe option.
she was told that if she told anyone, she would be taken away from her parents- on the face of it, not a bad thing, but the information given to her included that she would be put into care, & that all care homes were far worse places than her current situation. after all, her father had a good job; they were rich & had a lovely home, & even had staff to do the things her parents didn’t want to (cook, clean, etc.). kate’s parents essentially drilled into her, from a very young age, that that was the best she was ever going to get, & that telling the truth would take her from that safety (even if that safety was irrefutably filled with suffering- it was a known pain, not an unexpected one).
this keeping her sheltered from the outside world & its dealings also very much contributed to the long held belief that the same kind of abuse happened in every home, that it was normal. having never made friends with other children or spoken truthfully to adults (with the belief that what happened within the home stayed within the home), & never being allowed to watch television, it was a long while before her brain kicked in & told her it was wrong. she suspected from the age of seven (noticing the other kids didn’t have bruises all over their bodies- maybe their daddies were better at covering them?), but only truly knew from about ten (about a year to a year and a half after her father first raped her).
as a direct result, processing affection & positive emotion is extremely complex & difficult. this rears its head in all sorts of friendships (platonic love)- especially with men- & very much so in relationships (romantic love). she craves affection & kindness, after never having it as a child, & gets attached very easily, but at the same time, she desperately pushes people away as a defence mechanism. the specific feeling of love, & all associated with it, is very difficult to process- she is wretchedly unfamiliar with those emotions, & actually physically does not understand them. it takes a long time for her to say i love you, purely because she cannot tell whether or not she does love someone, & she wants to protect people from the brokenness that lives within her.
she perceives herself as broken & unlovable, & that her own incapacity to process emotion will break any attachment in which she ever finds herself involved. & therefore, yes- she does push people away; she does fuck up on purpose to make people want to hate her; she does keep secrets obsessively. all to drive people to leave her. but anyone that’ll stick through everything? those are the people to whom she will become painfully attached, & those are the people whose leaving will wreck her most.
you read of monsters && heroes ,
took to heart how the hero always won , always defeated ,
how the underdog wound up at the top of the pile ,
EVENTUALLY , EVENTUALLY .
you read of monsters && heroes ,
you drew the same conclusions as every other intelligent child :
that some people are the heroes , && others the monsters ,
that the biblical stories drip - fed to you were metaphors .
you read of monsters && heroes ,
dreamed not of your knight in shining armour but yourself ,
in shiny metal , in chainmail , in lace ,
victorious against the dragon who trapped you in your castle .
you read of monsters && heroes ,
of their lies && deceptions ,
of their hidden faces ,
hidden meanings ,
hidden truths ;
the heroes never lie .
you read of MONSTERS , MONSTERS ;
you read of their flaws , of their scars ,
that they were kind , once ; long ago ,
someone broke them .
you read of HEROES ;
who have never told a lie , made a mistake ,
who rise from the shadows to conquer ,
who win against the odds .
you read of monsters , who lie ;
you read of heroes , who do not ;
there are no blurred lines between ,
no half - written stories in their lives .
your shiny metal armour is covered in scales ,
you clink as you walk from the castle ;
you have lied so many times-
who is to say where you stand ?
you read of monsters && heroes ,
you dream of yourself , victorious against the dragon ,
but you feel the fire burn within your blood ;
can you be born from the monster without becoming one ?
foggy towns somewhere between exton and doylestown, pa
2015
